I was reading another blog tonight and out of her post I liked one line the most:

 

 

Life has thrown me so many curveballs in the past couple of months and that one line sums up a lot of what I've been thinking.

 

I'm not certain on whether change is good or bad.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.  And sometimes there needs to be pain in order to find love.  But what about love and happiness?  It is the most confusing when there is love, but not happiness.  Or for that matter, the other way around.  When this happens, what do you do?

 

Do you live your life for love? Do you live to make yourself happy?  Do you live your life to make other people happy? Sounds confusing.  Hell, I'm confused as I write this.  Now, which path do you follow?

 

It is easy to say that you should look after yourself first.  So easy to say, yet so hard to do.  No one wants to hurt someone else.  Many people live in misery in order to make other people happy.  That is an unfortunate truth. But let's go back to the line....trust.  Whether it's love, hate, happiness, need, want....it still all has to do with trust.  Sometimes you need to trust others.  Other times you need to trust yourself.

 

But when life throws you a curveball, do you trust yourself to make the right decision? I don't think I do.  My emotions get pulled in so many ways that I start to back away and move into a fetal position.  I do a lot for other people.  If I think it will make someone else feel good, then that's what I do.  Screw my own happiness.  I can adapt, right? I like to think that I can...

 

When does life give you a break?  I've felt like a thundercloud has been hanging over my head for months now.  The details are vague, I know.  But there are some things I can not go into detail about here.  But just believe me when I say nothing has been easy and everything has hit me at once. 

 

If only I could trust myself to do the right thing for me...